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Jul. 21st, 2009


It's A Cake Challenge....Not A Fight To The Death!!!!

Alright....all of these cake challenges are bad enough, but why all the fucking melodrama? You are not painting the sistine chapel ceiling for the pope......you are making a fuckin cake! It's not the end of the world if your Brooklyn Bridge cake looks like a tornado hit it, or that the nose on your Dumbo cake looks more like his elbow, or that your Eiffel Tower cake looks like a dildo with icing! You are not getting beheaded if you lose. So stop with all the dramatic crying jags, and low blood sugar fainting spells, and temper tantrums of frustration! In the end....you are not doing anything even remotely important....you are MAKING A FUCKIN CAKE!!!!!

Jul. 20th, 2009


Top Chef’s Padma Lakshmi is Headed to a Sitcom Near You

It's true, Padma is developing a sitcom with NBC.  What do you think?  Here's the full article here.
Hey, don't get me wrong, I love to watch Padma do anything, but I don;t know if she's funny enough for comedy.

Jul. 7th, 2009



(no subject)

Where can I get a drug that makes everything as funny as Sunny Anderson seems to think it is?

Jul. 1st, 2009


Need Proof That Food Network Creates Imbeciles?

Just look at what has happened to Daisy Fuentes since coming to the Food Network! When she was still on PBS, she was likeable and totally normal. She comes to the Food Network, and all of a sudden she is saying stupid shit like "I'm making friends with my pan", and otherwise overacting and over emoting like every other FN clone asshole! I'm telling you....the Food Network isn't a food channel...it's a mind altering cult!!!! They create phoney personalities on this network, thats why it's so fuckin ridiculous on the next FN star when they criticize the contestants for being fake in front of the camera! 

Jun. 23rd, 2009



Cake Boss

I hope repulsive bakers are allowed.

Frequent Food Network Cake Challenge competitor, Buddy Valastro, now has his own cake show, Cake Boss, on TLC. When I first heard about it, I rolled my eyes and said "Sounds like an Ace of Cakes clone". I watched an episode tonight and it IS an Ace of Cakes clone. Just look at the name, Cake Boss. Obviously, it's meant to evoke a similarity to Ace of Cakes. But there are some big differences. For one, Buddy is just not as awesome as Duff. I like Duff. He's kinda goofy and childish, but I always rooted for him in the cake challenges and I enjoy watching him on AoC. On the other hand, I don't care for Buddy. He's got personality, but it's one I don't like. He makes nice cakes, but I feel that he often coasts through the challenges, half-assing and ended up with time leftover to stand around to brag and talk smack. How about using that time to make a better cake Buddy?

The other difference between Cake Boss and Ace of Cakes is the drama! So much drama! So much yelling and shouting. So annoying! I'm sure there's more drama than we see going on in Charm City, but at least they keep most of the drama as cake drama and not human drama. I don't want to see the bakers and decorators fighting. Nor do I want to see Buddy Valastro yelling and shouting like his staff is composed of children. And some of them seem to act like they're children. Whining and carrying on when it's pretty obvious they were wrong, delivering the wrong cakes, losing cakes, arguing with the "Cake Boss." No thanks. I'm gonna stick to Charm City where things are just more charming.

Jun. 18th, 2009


Top Chef Masters... it makes me miss Top Chef

It's just still not as good.  It was good seeing Wylie, but damn I miss Tom and Padma.  Here's my full rundown and post here: JoeOnTheTube.

Jun. 16th, 2009


I Just Figured Out Why Giada's Italian Sucks!

She is like my own mother, who was also born in Italy, came to America young, and at first...... spoke no english! Giada (like my own mom) was taught to speak only english, and she has forgotten how to speak italian completely. Thats why she doesn't sound natural pronouncing italian words! She has no recollection of speaking the language,or how to speak it anymore, and it is obviously something that she is very hung up about. Now that I'm thinking about it, my mother couldn't pronounce italian words properly either........ she just wasn't hung up about not speaking italian anymore. My mother came to America in 1929, and she HAD to learn english! Giada on the other hand.... wants so much to SOUND italian, that it's almost pathetic when she tries, and ends up sounding so fuckin ridiculous! How many friggin times has she told the viewer that orchietta mean EAR, and Pecora means SHEEP? She can't help herself, because they are the only 2 italian words she knows the english translation of! Crazy shit.


More Great Viral Marketing for True Blood

I love Top Chef and I love True Blood so of course I loved this new bit of viral marketing.  Check it out over at JoeOnTheTube.

Jun. 12th, 2009


The new The Next Food Network Star

I thought it was ironic indeed, that the judges in the first team challenge so harshly criticised one team's dessert as a disgrace, for using store bought cake, when 2 of the judges are programming execs for the FN, and gave Sandra lee a show where she not only uses pre made cake often, but also managed to make a staple of "cool whip"! I also thought it hilarious that the sour pussed "cooking loft" b*tch was giving advice on personality issues, and I almost fell off my chair, when one of the judges advised a contestant to 'tone down" his "over the top" happy personality, because it looked fake! Hellooo...doesn't that describe about 98% of food network hosts? It's almost as if the FN execs have self loathing issues. They always pick the same annoying type of person, yet they also hate them for how they are! It's just comical when the contestants mirror all the current FN hosts in manner or personality in one way or another, and it is seen by judges as a "flaw"! Hey FN execs.....have you ever watched any of the shows you greenlight? Because you seem to hate all the qualities that every FN host you hired possess! Want to know which contestant will be the winner? Just find the one with the least talent and imagination and the most annoying personality, and that's your winner!


Does Giada De Laurentiis Know That Other Spices Do Exist?

Enough already with the flat leaf parsley, thyme and rosemary! She puts them in every goddamned thing she cooks. I thought that she was supposed to be cooking Italian? Today she made a pannini with a croissant???? what the f**k is that about? If it's not made with chiabatta bread, it's not a pannini....period! These hack cooks on FN are like culinary sociopaths.....always changing the rules to fit how they want to do things!  I've hated Giada ever since she called Lidia Bastianich "boring"! Compared to Lidia in terms of talent, experience and authentic cooking knowledge and practices, Giada De Lauremtiis doesn't even exist in the same conversation as the great Lidia Bastianich! Lidia's dishwasher has more credibility in the cooking world than the self absorbed DeLaurentiis! All of Giada's talent is in her bra. She's a spa food hack who is as overrated as her  t*ts!

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